Wolvie, JR.
by Blitz
Summary: An unexpected (and unwelcomed) ‘guest’ comes to the X-Men and befriends Jubilee. And what are his ties with Wolverine? A sillyfic.


WolvieJR.html WOLVIE, JR. 

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, not gettin' paid for this so don't sue me. I only own "the newest addition" to the X-Men: Wolvie, Jr. I'm SO sorry for the corny title. Oh. And I don't This Kiss. Faith Hill does. Grrr. 

Summary: An unexpected (and unwelcomed) 'guest' comes to the X-Men and befriends Jubilee. And what are his ties with Wolverine? A sillyfic. Rated PG for some cursing. 

Author's Note: Originally meant as a Halloween special, but Halloween came and went, so here it is.   


_It' s the way you love me_   
_It's a feeling like this_   
_It's centrifugal motion_   
_It's perpetual bliss_   
_It's that pivotal moment_   
_It's (ah) subliminal_   
_This kiss, this kiss_   
_It's criminal_   
- "This Kiss" by Sheryl Crow 

It was a dark and stormy night at the X-Mansion. It was the 31st of October: Halloween. Jubilee had begged Professor Xavier to host a "traditional" Halloween party in which everyone must dress up for the students and, at length, he consented. Provided that Jubilee host it. With some bouncing, Jubilee thanked him and got to work. 

She had put a lot of effort into it, insisting that everyone would have a terrific time. She made sure that it would have all the essentials: apple-bobbing, candy, costumes, scary stories, and horror movies. 

No one had any scary stories, but Scott repeated the story of "The Viper" (who came to vipe and vash the vindows). NO ONE was amused. The only scary movie Jubilee could get her hands on was "Attack of the Mole People". When she was putting it into the VCR, a spark flew out of her finger and demolished it. The candy was the only successful part of the party. The day before, Jean and Jubilee had gone shopping and gotten the basics plus a few extras: Candy Corn, Skittles, Candy Corn, M&M's, Reeses, Candy Corn, Dem Bones, Candy Corn, Twix, Candy Corn, Snickers, and, lest I forget, Candy Corn. To top it all off: Candy Corn. 

Apple-bobbing had been somewhat entertaining. After a half hour of shoving, whining, pouting, and dragging, Jubilee finally got Wolverine over to the tub. Even then, she had to practically force his head down into the bucket. But as he went down to retrieve an apple, Bobby froze the water. Logan wasn't quite quick enough to withdraw and banged his nose on the ice, causing it to bleed. Although his healing factor took care of it, he wasn't quite as forgiving as Bobby had hoped he would be. Growling with rage and shouting profanities, Logan unsheathed his claws and ran after Iceman. He managed to dodge him and yelled for Jean to telekinetically stop him. To make a long story short, the fight ended with Jubilee's jack-o-lantern being used as a shield and getting a claw in the eye. Another half hour was devoted to Logan trying to fix it with tape and thumbtacks. He tried to cheer her up by blaming Bobby and promising to make her another jack-o-lantern. Jubilee ran to the kitchen and returned with a pumpkin and watched as Logan carved a new one, grumbling all the way. 

As for costumes. Rogue had donned a princess outfit and Gambit had chosen a vampire costume. Ororo had dressed as a fairy. Jean and Scott had decided to be a mouse and a clown. Actually, it was Bobby who suggested it and Jean who seconded the motion. She somehow managed to paint him a little red nose and mouth. Beast put on a tuxedo and claimed that he was Frank Sinatra. Professor Xavier had put on a white lab coat and a gray frizzy wig and said that he was a crazy scientist. Bobby later went up to Jubilee and whispered, "Looks like his Rogaine is finally working." She had to stifle her laughter behind a handful of Candy Corn. Bobby himself and sprayed his hair green and put on a Santa outfit and became The Grinch that stole Christmas. He took an old Crayola marker and put green ink on the apples of his cheeks, his nose, and the area around his eyes. There was no more ink left after that. Jubilee had found a tight black suit, some blonde hair spray, and tipped some wooden stakes with red paint. Jubilee a la Buffy. After much persuasion, Jubilee finally convinced Logan to dress up, although his costume wasn't much of a stretch: he was a werewolf. 

Now, they were all curled up in various parts of the room, some on the floor, some in chairs or on the couch, others leaning against each other. 

"Oh! I know what to do! Bobby." 

"What?" Fear and delight crossed his face, wondering if she had found the pencil shavings he had put in the Candy Corn. True, this prank was below him, but he was too tired and bored to think of anything else to do combining both of them. But she hadn't seen the shavings. 

"Why did _you_ choose to be The Grinch?" 

"'Cause he's cool. He took all the Whoville presents and dumped them over the cliff." 

"But he gave them back." 

"Yeah, but I'm him before his heart grew and broke the scale." 

"Okaaay...Logan, what about you?' 

"Darlin', you know I'm only doin' this so I won't screw up yer party." 

"Thanks, Wolvie, but be honest: my party sucks, doesn't it?" 

There was a pause and then Jean said, "No, of course not. You did a great job." 

Jubilee folded her knees up against her chest and nestled her head on them. "I'm a complete _failure_!" 

"Did you call me, Shug?" 

"What?" Jubilee lifted her head up. 

"Ah thought you said mah name." 

"I heard it, too Darlin', but it ain't Jubes." 

"What was it?" 

"Listen." Wolverine sniffed the air. "Somethin's here. Something strange and different." 

"Oh nooo...That's _it_! This party is a _disaster_! I _suck_!" 

"Don't worry, Jubes. This ol' canucklehead'll find it!" *Snikt**Snikt*. He unsheathed his claws and sniffed. "It ain't far." 

"_Roooooooooooo_!" 

"Oh, goddess..." 

"Scahhhhhhh...Roooooooooo! Rooooooooogue!" 

"Jean. Try and see if you can locate it." 

Jean put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. "I...sense something. Logan's right. It's very near." 

"_It_?" 

"Not quite human...or mutant," she added with a pause. 

"Wolvie..." 

"It's right outside the mansion!" Jean's eyes shot open. 

"Outside the gates you mean, chere?" 

"Outside the door!" 

"Can you psi-scan it, Shug?" 

"I'm sorry, but I can't. It either has a different language or is more animal than man." 

"Well, I fer one ain't gonna let it get any closer! I'm gonna beat the crap outta this thing!" 

"Gambit's goin with ya, mon ami!" 

With that, Logan, Remy, Jean, Jubilee, Ororo, Beast, the Professor, Bobby, Rogue, and Scott all marched to the door. 

"Rogue, Storm, I want you two to stay behind. It obviously is after you and we can't risk the chance of you two being kidnapped." 

"It wants you, too, Scotty!" Rogue said. "You heard' im! It said Scott." 

"But I'm important! I'm the _leader_!" Scott was almost whining and Logan raised and eyebrow. 

"Well, I am also the leader and we cannot play into this monster's hands. You will have to stay behind with us, Scott. If we stay, then it is only fitting that you must stay as well." 

"Fiiine..." Scott was obviously disappointed. He walked back with them. 

"Jubilee, you too. I don't wantcha gettin' hurt none." 

"It's my party and damned if I'm gonna let this monster get away!" 

"Jubes, you watch yer mouth and get back there with Ro and Rogue." 

Jubilee already had the door open. 

"Jubes! No!" 

"What the-" 

"Cool! It's a-" 

"_This_ is what I detected?! How embarrassing." 

Oh, my stars and garters..." 

"Mon dieu!" 

Before them sat a small, wet, black cat. It was skinny and had a bald patch behind the left ear and one eye was bigger than the other. It was pacing around the door yowling, but when it saw the group of X-Men, it stood quiet and stared at them. The claws were too long and its whiskers drooped. The paws were spread out as if trying to unsuccessfully flatten itself to the ground. All in all, it was pretty gross-looking. 

"Ohhh. It's so sweet!" 

"WHAT?!" Was the general reaction of the crowd. 

Jubilee stooped to pick up the cat. 

"Jubilee! No!" Jean yelled. But it was too late. Jubilee was already cuddling the creature to her chest. 

"Awww...poor li'l guy." 

"Jubilee, honey, put...the cat...down." 

"But he might escape!" 

"Get rid o' de cat, petite. I don' wan' it anywhere _near_ me." 

"Darlin', get that ugly, little hairball outta here or I'm gonna gut' im!" 

"No! My party, my rules! This whole _thing_ has been a complete ~disaster and this cat is making up for it! It just needs a home, like I did once. Remember when we all first came?" 

"Jubilee, don't insult us by comparing us with that _thing_." 

"It probably already has a home," Jean lied. 

"Who'd want a sorry cat like _that_?!" 

"BOBBY!" 

"Students, we should tell th others the cause of the noise, I'm sure they're all worried about us." 

Back in the midst of all the Candy Corn and Reese's peanut butter cups, Scott, Ororo, and Rogue were devising a plan to attack the being at the door when the group came in. Scott quickly brushed away the candy they had set up as markers. He'd insisted on ripping off a piece of Twizzler for himself. Beast had been a green gummy bear, Bobby a warhead, Storm was a fun-sized Twix (although we all know that fun-sized means a Twix the size of Alaska, not a two inch excuse for a candy bar), Rogue was a red gummy bear with a bit of white icing on the top. The rest had been undecided when they all came in. 

Beast was frowning, Jean kept glancing down at Jubilee, Gambit was flipping a card between his fingers, Professor Xavier was grimly floating next to the parade, Bobby was trying to distance himself from Jubilee, Logan was eying something suspiciously in Jubilee's arms, and Jubilee herself was beaming with joy. 

"Thank God! Jean, are you okay?" Scott said and went to his wife. 

"What about us?" 

"Ah, you're fine. Whatever," he said. "What the hell is that?! It looks like it came from the sewer!" 

"The newest addition to the X-Men!" Jubilee cried. 

"Hell no!" 

"Scott is right, my dear friend. This animal may very well be disease-ridden, infected with such diseases as rabies, mange, and it may carry fleas." 

"Huh?" 

"Oh, come on, Robert! I dumbed it down for your sake!" 

"Sorry." 

"I'm not getting rid of it! It's so cute!" Jubilee cut in. 

"Shug, I don' know 'bout this..." 

"Rooooooooogue!" the cat yowled, baring a mouthful of pointed teeth, as it was squeezed to tightly by Jubilee. 

"What on Sam's hill?! Logan! Kill it!" 

"With pleasure, Darlin'!" 

*Snikt**Snikt*. He took a step toward the cat but Jubilee swung it away with an angered look on her face. The cat dug its nails into her arm but she ignored the pain and shot a tiny spark, no stronger than a static shock, at the cats ears. It took the hint and let go with a growl. 

"No! He's my kitty and you're not gonna kill' im!" 

"HSSSSSHHHH!" 

"Did you hear that? It's obviously vicious. We MUST take it out of this mansion immediately. That's an order!" 

"Professor? Storm?" Jubilee looked around for help, hoping to gain sympathy from the faces around her. She found none. 

Storm spoke and Jubilee felt a glimmer of hope, but it quickly fled. "I don't want to be anywhere near your cat. It's frightening." 

Finally the Professor sighed. "Will you take care of it?" 

"Yes!" 

"Not keep it in a room with open closets or allow it near ANY pair of shoes for over an hour with no escape from the room?" 

"Uh-huh!" 

"Keep it far, far away from us?" 

"...Fine." 

"Allow me to conduct experiments on it? And not get mad at me for using it for evil?" 

"Bobby!" 

"What?!" 

Professor Xavier continued. "Then you may keep it." 

"Yes!" she shouted. "Thank you!" She ran up to him an gave him a hug, crushing the cat in between them. It let out a loud yowl. 

"Roorooooooo!" 

"By the goddess!" Ororo gasped. 

The cat jumped from Jubilee's arms and landed in the Professor's lap. It hissed and jumped down and sat in a crouch at Jubilee's feet. It puffed up its fur and narrowed its eyes to dangerous, lemon-yellow slits. It flipped its tail wildly. 

"Iccccccccce!" it hissed. Or at least, it _sounded_ like 'Ice'. 

"Good God!" 

"It's just meowing and hissing!" 

"Iccccccccce!" the black, furry mass screamed as Jubilee's arms drew neared to it and then, as it was being lifted up into the air, it let out a yelp of annoyance and pain. "Man!" 

Bobby backed away farther with eyes wide open in fear. Jubilee and the cat glared as she lovingly stroked its bony head. The ears flattened and a deep growl escaped from its throat. Jubilee ignored it and scratched the bald patch behind its ear. When she realized where her hand was, she shuddered and moved it to the right, fuzzier ear. At the attention, the cat purred. 

"Ya know, black cats are bad luck. This cat's gonna bring us a _lot_ of trouble." 

"Leave my kitty alone! You guys have wanted nothing more than to kill it or get it away as soon as it came! Professor Xavier _said_ I could keep him and you _have_ to listen to him!" Jubilee's temper was rising as it seemed each and every person had the same thing in mind for her precious pet: crush kill destroy. Pouting, Jubilee stormed to the couch and plopped down. 

What a _perfect_ end to the evening.>> she thought sarcastically. As she was stroking her cat she thought to it, You need a name, don't you? How about...>> 

Jubilee? Jubilee?>> 

Wha'? Huh?>> 

Are you okay? You seem to be lost in thought. What are you thinking about? You're petting all the hair off of your cat.>> 

Jubilee looked down and so a mass of shedding on her hands and costume. A string of drool was connected the cats mouth with her lap. She grimaced and shifted the cat so as not to make a mark on her suit. She looked over at Jean. She was smiling at her. 

Oh. Sorry. I was just trying to think up a name for my cat and I think I may have come up with the perfect name.>> 

Why don't you tell us?>> 

I don't think so.>> 

Come on. We would all love to hear it.>> 

I - oh, fine. I guess so.>> 

"Uh, everyone? I've found a name for the cat." They all turned to look at her, understanding that now the cat was staying for good. Or at least until one of them managed to either disposed of it, Jubilee got tired of it, Bobby involved it in a prank, or it got on Wolverine's nerves a little too often. A mischievous glint hung in her eyes, very much the same as the kind that they had seen in Bobby so many times before. They were all slightly fearful, now knowing that none of the latter would happen. It wasn't leaving. A delicate disappointment settled over the group as the awaited the name. 

"Wolvie!" 

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Wolverine howled in shame and in rage. 

"What? I thought you'd be happy! I'm gonna name him after you!" 

"Oh no yer not, kid!" 

"_I_ think it's a wonderful name, Jubilee." 

"You stay outta this, Ro!" 

"It's my cat! And it's my rules! I'm sorry you don't like the name, but we're all gonna have to deal with there being two Wolvie's from now on." 

"Jean? Am I in Hell? Is this some nightmare? WAKE ME UP, DAMMIT!!!" Scott was panicking. 

"I'm sorry, Scott, but you're wide awake." Jean Grey-Summers took his arm to comfort herself as well as him. 

"I gotta go get me some more Candy Corn," Bobby said. 

"Bring Gambit back some alcohol." 

"Remy, ya know it creeps me out when ya talk like yer schizophrenic." 

"Sorry, Rogue, i's jus' Gambit's way." 

"Quit it." 

"Sorry. I got it outta my system now." 

"Good." 

"Come on, Wolvie. Let's go to bed," Jubilee said softly. 

In the doorway, holding a popcorn bowl filled with tiny orange, yellow, and white Candy Corn kernels and holding a Bud Lite in his other hand, Bobby raised an eyebrow and made a face, obviously disgusted by what he had just heard. He started to say something but decided it was too easy. There were too many possibilities. How could he choose just one? 

"Ah, dammit," Logan lowered his hand and covered his face with his hand. "Iceman, it's not like that!" 

Jubilee kissed the top of Wolverine's head and carried him up the stairs. Everyone cringed in disgust. The tail flipped madly back and forth as if tempting them to say anything. No one accepted the challenge. 

Once in her room, Jubilee set down the cat on her bed and put on her pajamas, not bothering to wash out the blonde hair spray just yet. 

"I don't care _what_ they say! You're the best cat ever. I'm gonna make sure ya have a good home, okay? Don't you worry. You're safe with me," she muttered to herself as she curled up into her bed. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep and when she did, the cat was up and about. 

Wolverine leapt from the bed onto the cold floor. Roaming the room, it came across a pair of Jubilee's favorite tennis shoes. He ignored them and came across the hair spray she had left lying on the ground. Batting it around for a while, the top came off and with one final swipe, the cat sprayed a golden streak across the Nike logo. It didn't get away unmarred, however: the tail was tipped in gold. 

Finding its way to Jubilee's left over Halloween Candy that wasn't needed for the party. She had left a Snickers bar unwrapped and he quickly devoured it. 

Walking back towards the door, chocolate smeared on his face, he began to make his grand escape. Placing one paw upside-down under the door at the very corner on the opposite side of the hinge, he began to tug. Within moments, the door opened a crack and Wolverine sat there, staring at it, for a few minutes, as if expecting the door to continue opening by itself. To Wolverine's surprise, it didn't. He walked over to the shoe again and sniffed. Sneezing, he sat back. 

"God bless you," Jubilee murmured in her sleep, totally oblivious to what was going on in her room. Wolverine, Jr. looked at her and turned around to leave. 

He remembered that the door had refused to open so he decided to help it along. Trying again, he managed to get it open enough for him to slide through. To his surprise, that final push was all it needed. It swung all the way open and lightly tapped against the wall. It calmly, proudly strode out of the room. 

"Yooooooooowww!" Wolverine cried mournfully as soon as it got a good distance away from Jubilee's room. It marched down the hall, crying like all Hell broke loose. "Meowww! Roooooooooro! Scahhh! Rooooooooogue!" 

Meanwhile, downstairs, Logan had decided that it was time for him to go to bed, too. Scott soon followed with Jean. As Logan made his way to his room, he was greeted by a mournful yowling, as if straight from the pits of Hell. He was on guard. 

*Snikt**Snikt*. The claws popped out and feral instincts came over him. 

"There's more'n one way ta skin a cat,' he muttered to himself. And then louder, calling to the demonic cat, "Here kitty, kitty. _Heeere_ kitty, kitty." 

All of a sudden, a small black figure darted from one side of the hallway to the other, almost spider-like. The sudden movement caught Logan off-guard. He jumped and struck his knee against a hallway table and shouted a string of profanities. 

"Whoa! Come 'ere, Wolverine. Get yer ugly, hairy butt over here." 

"Talking to yourself again, Logan?" Someone quipped from behind him. 

Logan whirled around angrily and found Cyclops. "Shuddup, Cyke. I'm tryin' ta get the squirt's damn cat." 

Scott's eyes dropped to the unsheathed Adamantium claws. "Then why are your claws out?" 

*Snikt**Snikt*. "He pissed me off." 

"There he is!" Scott leapt at the cat and banged his hand against the wall. "Sonuva-!" 

"Turn on th' damn light, One-eye," Logan ordered. The hallway was soon filled with white and yellow light. 

Wolverine, Jr. darted down the hallway, followed by the original Wolverine, Sr. and Cyclops. Cornering it under a hallway table, Cyclops reached out and took it by the scruff of its skinny neck. 

"Thought you could get away, didn'tcha?" he smiled at Wolverine, Jr.. 

"Ssscccaaahhh!" it hissed, as if to retaliate his insult. He swiped a razor-sharp clawed paw at his face but shocked himself by realizing that his paw was too short to reach that far [to all you cat-lovers, keep in mind that this isn't the smartest of cats]. 

The scream caught him off guard and so did the paw which swiped at his face. Scott dropped the cat to the floor, then immediately berated himself immediately for his move. It took off down the hall again. 

"What the hell did ya do that fer?! We had' im!" 

"I'm sorry. Jean's in our room. I'll go get her too track him." 

"You go get Red, and I'll go get that cat." Wolverine took off after the cat. *Snikt**Snikt*. Soon he was within sight of the black ball of hair. 

"Rrow!" he heard in the distance. Logan recognized the tone in its voice. It was ready to attack. 

"Not this time, bub!" 

The cat was crouched in an attacking position. So was Wolverine. The cat, however, launched itself first, digging its claws into his chest. He tried to knock it off, but his claws only got in the way. He struggled to get them out of the way but it was too late. The cat was soon a mess. 

"Oh, my God. What have I done?" *Snikt**Snikt*. 

A small whimper escaped from the shaved cat's throat. If it had looked gross before, now it was hideous: both sides were completely shaved. The rest of the hair lay at its sides in a heap. The cat looked ashamed, as if it knew that it was naked. Quickly coming to its wits again, it latched its teeth onto Logan's shin. Logan cried out in pain as the tiny teeth sank in and acting on impulse, kicked as hard as he could. The cat went flying into the darkness with a loud "Mmmmooowww!" There was a soft thud in the distance. 

"Jubes is gon' kill me." He slowly walked towards the thud. 

What he found surprised even him: the cat had once more pulled himself up into a fighting position. Nevertheless, it was cowering against the wall. It hissed once more as he came towards it. "Iccccccccce!" 

"Shuddup." Logan lifted it by the scruff of the neck and peered into its pointed face. 

"Maaa-aaan!" 

"I said shuddup!" Instinctively, he popped a claw. Instantly, he regretted his move, knowing that Jubilee would _definitely_ be mad this time. The top of the cats head was bald. Feeling a slight chill, the cat squeaked and shivered. "She's gon' be _pissed_." 

"Wolvie?" 

Wolverine whirled around to find that a sleepy-eyed Jubilee had snuck up on him. She stood there in her pajamas rubbing an eye with a clenched fist. She dropped her hands and widened her eyes as she realized that he held her precious cat. 

"Wolvie, Jr.? Wolverine, what's going on?" It took a few moments, but she noticed what had happened to Wolvie, Jr.. "Wolvie's bald!!!" 

"Mew." 

"Jubes, I swear, I didn't mean, too." 

"Logan, you shaved a _cat_! How on Earth could you not _mean to_?" 

"Jubilee! Are you okay?" It was Jean, followed by Scott, and then later, Beast, Gambit, Rogue, Storm, and the rest. 

"Wolvie shaved Wolvie!" 

"Logan shaved? Thank the Bright Lady, I thought I'd never see the day." 

"I'm jus' gonna pretend I didn't hear that, Ro." 

"Oh, my stars and garters." 

"Gotta admit, Logan. I'm impressed. And a little jealous. How'd ya get at Wolverine to shave him?" Bobby remarked, surprised that Logan had gotten to the cat before he did. 

"It snuck outta Jubes's room. I was tryin' ta catch' im. It was an accident. I swear ta God." 

"Look at him!" Jubilee's anger was rising and she was beginning to make vast gesticulations with her hands. "How is _that_ an accident?!" 

"Ya gotta believe me. I didn't do this fer my own pleasure. I don' go 'round shavin' ol' mangy cats fer th' helluvit!" 

Jubilee was quiet for a moment and then approached him and took the cat from his outstretched hand. She gently petted the skin of the hideous creature in her arms with a quivering hand and grimaced. She looked up to forced sympathetic looks from her friends. "This is nasty." 

"His fur will grow back. He still has his tail, stomach, neck, and face left. His legs are still furry." Jean was unsuccessful in comforting the teen. 

"Hmmm. My word. He reminds me of a Gregorian monk from days of old," remarked Beast, taking a closer look at Wolvie, Jr. 

"I don't want him to be a monk! I want him to have _fur_! He looks _creepy_!" She stroked his head again, but this time didn't shudder. "Well, he doesn't look _that_ gross anymore." 

Bobby had to bite back his tongue from saying anything. 

"Come on, Wolvie. Let's get back in bed." 

They all looked at Wolverine with startled glances. 

"The _cat_! Dammit!" 

"Remmmow!"   


-The End- 


End file.
